Normally, red is my least favorite color. When I see a red dress on the red carpet, I think the wearer made an all-too-easy decision to veer toward the safety of old Hollywood glamour. While Natalie Portman (right) is exuding that familiar vibe in vintage Christian Dior, I applaud her for taking the look in an unexpected direction with a 50s era silhouette and fun polka dots. I may have chosen a different necklace, perhaps something less modern and maybe even black, to further emphasize the spots. The boxy black clutch was definitely a good choice, and completes the look well.
Michelle Williams (left), whose Louis Vuitton gown is not exactly red, but rather burnt orange, thankfully shook up the red carpet norms when she chose a dress with texture and a trendy peplum. Some were opposed to the high fashion details, especially the contrasting nude-colored corset back, but I love the quirky aspects of the gown. I also commend Williams for not choosing a matchy matchy clutch, but opting for a pop of pink instead.
I don't know who let Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman (left) onto the red carpet, nor do I know why she's not off crafting another open heart necklace for chicks whose boyfriends/fiances/husbands don't know squat about jewelry or women. More importantly, I don't know why her stylist thought it was acceptable for a 60-something to go parading around in a "LOOK AT ME!" vibrant red, sequined, low-cut Pamella Roland creation. Jane Seymour (That's Dr. Quinn's real name.) should look into some style tips from the classy older ladies of Hollywood, ahem...Meryl Streep and Helen Mirren. The next time she pops up on the red carpet for reasons unknown, I hope she chooses something more age-appropriate.
The same can be said for Shailene Woodley (right). The girl has risen from ABC Family fame to starring in one of the season's most hailed films with GEORGE CLOONEY. One would think she'd want to show off her hot 20-year-old bod and potentially steal him from the female wrestler he's currently dating. Many approved of this dowdy, Little House on the Prarie-esque look because it's so opposite of what other young starlets choose to flaunt on the carpet. While I'd like to high-five Shailene for running far away from the overly-provocative and inappropriate, I'd also like to shake some sense into her. First, for starring in Secret Life of the American Teenager, and second, for choosing a Valentino Couture dress that is much too old for her. I imagine that she probably had the privilege to pick just about ANYTHING from a wide array of designer delights, so I can't wrap my mind around the fact that she went with this. Maybe she and Jane Seymour should switch gowns. There we go! Problems solved!
What Could Have Been:
Everyone is giving Rooney Mara (left) a hard time for choosing her Oscars gown the day of the event. Not only is she The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, she's The Girl Who Doesn't Seem to Care About Fashion but Always Manages to Look Effortlessly Beautiful. That's who she is. She's a badass with short bangs and a rail thin frame usually seen slouching around in head-to-toe black. For those reasons, this look could've been spectacular. It could've been a chance to see Mara in something other than her usual goth-inspired attire. It could've been her unforgettable fashion moment. It could've been a lot of things, but it doesn't fit. The intricate Givenchy creation hangs on her chest weird, and it isn't skintight to her slight body as it should be. I could sit here and over-analyze the gown all day. But guess what, fashion obsessors? Rooney Mara doesn't care! I can't decide if that's unapologetically cool, or a terrible crying shame. Regardless of what she wears, Mara has an undeniably pretty face. Although she didn't win an Oscar or many "Best Dressed" titles, being called this era's Audrey Hepburn means you win at life.
Kristen Wiig (right) is my hero. She's everything a girl wants to be. She's the 3 S's: Skinny, Stylish, and Successful. On top of that, she's HILARIOUS. Not only did she have me rolling on the floor during Bridesmaids, but she has the same effect on Saturday Night Live every week. It pains me to see someone so awesome wearing something so average. The beige, textured J. Mendel gown is pretty, but it's only that. It's not nearly as fabulous as her talent. Maybe had she chosen something in an unexpected color, her look could've been great instead of just "Eh." Sorry, Kristen. I still love you!